When I found out I was pregnant with my first I was actually excited about the thought of giving birth. I had always wanted to be a mom and for me at that time birth was the way into motherhood. Unfortunately I wasn't able to keep this feeling of excitement for long, anytime I would tell someone I was planning an unmedicated birth I was hit with statements such as "oh trust me you're going to need the epidural" or "honey just wait until you are in the hospital you'll change your mind". Though deep down, I knew I could do it because women have been doing it for thousands of years unmedicated haven't they? Still these comments surfaced to the forefront of my brain and started to plant those little seeds of doubt. Then came the very unnecessary traumatic birth stories that no first time mother wants or even needs to hear and this is when the fear started to trickle in.
Luckily for me I was terrified of needles more than anything so getting an epidural wasn't even an option in my mind. Unlucky for me I now had to prepare myself for this day that everyone told me would be the scariest and most painful thing i'll ever go through. At that time I had no idea there was such thing as a doula let alone that it was even a word. Everyone I knew only had negative thoughts when it came to unmedicated birth so I was lost on how to prepare. I told myself that maybe if I just prepare for exactly what everyone is telling me then i'll be ready for it. So that's exactly what I did, I told my mind and body that we were preparing to go through the worst pain we're ever going to feel and the scariest thing we were ever going to go through. That's it. That was my birth preparation for my first birth. Not even my OB had time to prepare me, how could she when our appointments only lasted 5-10 minutes?
The night that my water started leaking I wasn't scared, I even took my sweet time getting ready to leave to the hospital so much so that my mom even got there before me and we lived pretty much the same distance away from the hospital. Throughout the entire check in and evaluation process I still wasn't scared. I felt ready. Spoiler alert, I wasn't. As soon as I was admitted they started me on pitocin (which was very unnecessary but that's a whole different story on it's own) and this is when the fear started to make it's appearance. Pitocin contractions are no joke, they were quite literally putting me through the worst pain i'd ever felt in my life. "They were right" would go through my head. I started thinking I was wrong this whole time because the pain was only getting worse.
Eventually it got to a point where my OB suggested the epidural to help "move things along" even though I had told her throughout my entire pregnancy that I did not want one no matter what. That sure didn't stop her from bringing it up. I felt discouraged and started to doubt that I could do this. Then after my OB left the room my nurse looked me in my eyes and told me "If you don't want an epidural then you don't need it, you can do it without one". That was exactly the push I needed to get through all of those negative thoughts that had been planted in my head throughout my pregnancy.
I DID IT! I gave birth to my son without an epidural! I should've been so happy that I got what I wanted but I only felt sadness because deep down I knew birth shouldn't be that hard. Immediately I knew that next time I would have to do something different.
By some miracle I ended up in an online group of women all from different states except for one, she happened to live in the same area as me and she was a doula! This was the perfect timing because shortly after being in this group I found out I was pregnant with my second. I right away hired her as my doula and started planning for a homebirth.
Throughout my pregnancy she taught me everything she had learned about birth including physiological birth. That's when it all made sense. I finally understood why my first birth went the way that it did. My instincts were validated and all of the fears and doubts disappeared. I was able to properly prepare for birth this time because I had chosen the right person to educate and support me. Little did she know she was lighting up a fire in my soul and led me to my passion, birthwork.
Now I have the greatest honor of walking women through their journey of pregnancy and providing them with the education and support that they need to have the birth that they desire. Are you interested in working with me? I offer a wide range of services both locally and virtually so there is something for everyone! Locally I offer services as a homebirth doula, birthkeeper, and/or birth photographer. You can learn more here about my local services. Virtually I offer live workshops, one-on-one consultations, and doula mentorships. Here is where to find more on my virtual services.
I'd be delighted to work with you!